Together

I woke up to the gradual realisation that Don was in the bed beside me.  It felt just the way it used to, and he was so big and warm and comfortable that I snuggled in close and was very content.  As my mind began to clear, I tried to remember how we had got him into bed last night, and vaguely thought I must have had somebody with me to help.  But it was so nice and warm and snuggly, I didn’t think about it too much, and drifted back to sleep.  Later when I woke up properly, I was actually quite surprised to see he wasn’t there.

I told Don about it and he just said that he dreams regularly that we are together.  I did know this because his dreams are so vivid they sometimes become confused with reality the next day.  A couple of days ago he asked me anxiously whether I’d paid the motel bill, and when I looked blank he said, Didn’t we spend last night in the motel? — and then immediately answered himself and said, Oh no of course not, I think I must have dreamed that.

I think Don dreams quite a lot — I did write a blog post about MS and dreams a while back — but I wish I dreamed more often.  Especially ones like this morning.

I’ve been reading some interesting comments on the blogs of people with MS, and am intrigued to find that MS seems to prevent dreaming!  So many of them say that they used to have frequent vivid dreams but since their diagnosis, or else as the MS developed, the dreaming became less and less, and most now say they don’t ever dream.  Unless they are on particular sorts of medication, when the dreams do return.  One blogger said that when she went onto a course of Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN) for several months, “…my dreams were psychedelic epic tales of suspense and surrealism. Vivid dreams are a common side effect of LDN – none of them were too alarming, just puzzling, and always very colorful.”

Don is on LDN, and has been for two years now.  I’ll ask him if he dreams a lot, but I think I already know that he does, because the dreams sometimes become confused with reality on waking, and when I go to visit he will occasionally be convinced that strange and worrying things have been happening and we both have to work out that it was a dream.

I’m still convinced of the benefits of LDN, by the way.  I know that it is “unconventional” or alternative medicine, no clinical trials as yet and all the rest of it, but given the rapid rate of Don’s deterioration before he started on it, and the way he has been able to emerge from what he used to call “the fog” to be so much more himself again, I am just grateful that somebody put us onto it. Costs a fortune of course – no PBS (Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme) for unconventional therapies – but well worth it.  Yes, I know that MS is completely unpredictable and he might have been going to plateau or improve at that point anyway, but that would be too much of a coincidence.