Multiple Sclerosis Carer

I was talking with Molly in the activities room.  She said, I’m going to bring up at the next meeting about the lack of privacy.

I was surprised.  Oh? I thought they are terribly careful about privacy? 

She said, Not about baths and personal hygiene, and changing the continence pad.  I mean about our relationship.

Molly explained that she had arrived to see Les as usual, but later than usual, and he had been quite irate that she had been later than he had exected.  Why are you so late? he demanded.  Why didn’t you let me know?   Where have you been?  And started on giving her the rounds of the kitchen, telling her in no uncertain terms how long he had been waiting for her to arrive.

Staff member Diana then rushed in and said, You mustn’t speak to your wife like that!  She comes to see you every day, don’t speak to her like that!  Be quiet, Les, you have no right to talk like that! …  and reprimanded him severely on behalf of Molly.

Molly answered with some heat, He can speak to me how he likes, it’s nobody’s business!  and the nurse was very taken aback and started to argue that Les’s conduct had been “inappropriate”.

We always argued about time, Molly said to me, he was always so punctual and I would be racing to be ready in time.  If we were home, he would be ranting about me being late, and I would either snap back, or maybe I would be apologetic.  But either way, it would be nobody’s business except us.  Now he’s in here and everybody is telling him how he should be talking to me.  Well all I can think is, how would they like somebody to be in their own home and tell them, or their partner, how they should be talking.   It’s nobody else’s business, she said, and I wish they would leave us alone to be nice to each other, or snap at each other, or have a relationship with each other, as we used to have.  Before he came into this fish bowl.